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Parent problem #1: Transitions are a nightmare
Daycare fix: Simplify your routine
“The art of preschool is the art of repetition." Predictability feels safe, she says, particularly for kids who are pre-verbal or working on language skills. That sense of security breeds confidence in toddlers and preschoolers, and it’s for this reason that most daycares keep their routines as simple as possible, with consistent times for snacks, lunch, play and naps, day after day after day.If you work full-time, it’s tempting to try to squeeze as many activities into your weekend as you can. But if possible, minimize the number of transitions in your day, and schedule your weekend activities at the same time your toddler or preschooler during daycare.
Daycare fix: Give warnings
Being interrupted when engaged in an activity can be irritating to anyone, but for kids who don’t yet have the skills to manage their frustration, it can seem like the end of the world.Offer a warning before the start of a new activity. Parents could do the same with visual or audio cues, like sand timers or a smartphone alarm. ““Tell your child in advance that when the timer goes off, it’s time to clean up,” “Children accept transitions better when they know what’s coming next.”
Daycare fix: Make it fun
“Children are incredibly creative, “Use their imaginations to your advantage.”
Parent problem #2: My kid will only eat four foods—and they’re all beige
Daycare fix: Eat together
One reason many kids eat so well at daycare is because they see all their friends eating. That’s one reason (among many) to prioritize eating together as a family at home. Studies show that children who eat meals with their families are more likely to experience long-term physical and mental health benefits.
Daycare fix: Stop offering backup meals
At daycare, a meal or snack is served, and that’s what is available, nothing else (except perhaps fruit and milk). No amount of moaning and groaning will get them a different meal. So if your kid decides they don’t like what’s on the menu at dinnertime, let them know that’s all that will be available. You kid will get used to the idea that what’s on the dinner table is the only food on offer—and in the vast majority of cases, they won’t starve themselves. This may seem like tough love, but kids rarely whine about what is served at daycare because they know there’s no point.
Parent problem #3: My house is a hot mess of kid clutter
Daycare fix: Use bins, baskets and labels liberally
Most daycares have the luxury of child-level hooks and cubbies, which makes it easier for kids to clean up after themselves. You can replicate this with labelled baskets (most daycares attach pictures of the contents to each bin to make it easier for kids). Put them everywhere: at the front door, in the kitchen, in the TV room and, of course, in the playroom, if you have one. Label hooks, and put a mat down for shoes. “Even a young toddler will get the idea,” says VanGerwen. “They’re learning to take responsibility for their own belongings and building the foundation for organizing their brain.”
Daycare fix: Make cleaning fun
The imaginations of toddlers and preschoolers are exploding. Use that to your advantage, “Your shoes want to stay together when you’re not there, so put them beside each other." Get competitive and make cleaning up a race or turn on some music and dance while you tidy. Count the items as you pick them up. Is your daughter an animal lover? Tell her she’s a zookeeper who has the very important job of putting all the “animals” in their cages for the night. Or say she’s a construction worker when it’s time to clean up the blocks. Whatever the mess is, associate it with something fun.
Daycare fix: Be specific with requests
A two-year-old won’t know everything that “clean up” entails. So be as specific with her requests as possible. For example, “Clean up the toys you were playing with,” might not work. But “I see a yellow hula hoop over there—can you hang it on that hook?” should do the trick.
Parent problem #4: So. Much. Whining.
Daycare fix: Ignore it
With so many little ones to care for at the same time, daycare teachers simply don’t have the capacity to cater to every outburst or demand. At home, your kid may refuse to go to sleep without two more stories, a glass of water, four trips to the bathroom and one last cuddle, but there’s just no way your daycare provider can do that. Instead, daycare providers try not to acknowledge negative behaviors like whining. This gives little kids a valuable real-world lesson: speaking to people this way won’t get the result you’re looking for. Resist the urge to cater to your child's tantrums. You might be surprised to see how short the tantrums become when your kid realizes they’re not getting anywhere with them. Once your child calms down, you can explain that speaking to people that way isn’t acceptable and talk about why they were so upset.
Daycare fix: Help your kid become more self-aware
Not all tantrums can be ignored, and some can even be dangerous—to your kid and to others. When that’s the case, you need to facilitate their calming down, and the best way to do this is to bring attention to their physical body. This helps develop self-awareness, and it also causes a child to pause. For you can say, “I see you’re very upset. Your body is moving really fast and wild.” From there, a firm hug, a touch to the cheek or some deep-breathing exercises (in through the nose and out through the mouth) often do the trick.
Daycare fix: Name big emotions
Have you ever tried sensory bottles? Fill sensory bottles filled with colored water. These act as both redirectional and calming tools, but they also help kids define their big emotions—an important first step toward self-regulation. On the front of the bottles could be poems, such as these ones:
Green, green, green, I was feeling so mean. Green, I was feeling so mean. Grrr…
Red, red, red, I got a bump on my head. Red, I got a bump on my head. Ouch!
When children act out, teachers can direct them toward the bottles. Children can shake them if they’re still really angry, tip them back and forth to calm down, and read the poems with their teacher to help process how they are feeling in that moment. At home, you can make your own bottles (even the least crafty parent can throw some water, food coloring and glitter in a water bottle and glue it shut).
Daycare fix: Look for patterns and triggers
When daycare providers notice repeat behaviors, such as a kid who never wants to go outside or always has a hard time sharing, daycare providers might pay extra attention to that child for the next week or two to find a pattern. Is there a time of day when a toddler is particularly whiny? Do tantrums take place just before nap or snack time? The answers to those questions are important clues that can help you prevent specific behaviors altogether. Once you determine the cause, you can take actions to eliminate the cause. It could be as simple as adjusting a nap time, removing your kid from noise, providing more frequent snacks or turning down the temperature.
Parent problem #5: My kid hits, grabs and won’t share
Daycare fix: Create house rules and follow through
Daycares and preschools are governed by rules—rules that the kids, even the smallest ones, are well aware of. Make sure the kids know what they can’t do. “They can’t hurt each other; they can’t bite; they can’t kick.”
“Whatever the laws of your land are,” “you have to be able to define them and enforce them. The trick is determining what your laws look like and then following through.” In other words, at daycare, if kids aren’t allowed home toys , they’re never allowed home toys—the toy will be removed. If they aren’t allowed to throw sand, they’re never allowed to throw sand—the child will lose sandbox privileges.
Kids will try to push the limits, but they are also looking for limits. So create your own set of rules. Make it a fun activity by writing them together on poster paper and putting them somewhere visible, like the fridge or a kitchen wall.
Daycare fix: Catch your kid being good
Not only do daycare teachers model wanted behavior, but they use positive reinforcement to eliminate negative behavior. So that means following up on your requests (“I need you to put away your whining voice and talk to me in your speaking voice”) with positive statements when kids comply: “Thank you for asking me so nicely. I love that!” If your kids have a tendency to hit out of frustration, then be sure to shower them with praise when you catch them asking nicely for a turn or showing empathy toward a sibling.
Daycare fix: Just say “no” to sharing
If you find your kid is not good at sharing, then replace it with this daycare tactic: turn taking. You can even teach your kid to ask for that turn themselves. For a baby or toddler, that might be putting their hands out and saying “Please?” or “My turn?” Preschoolers might ask, “Can I play with that truck next?” More often than not, the other kid will agree to passing the toy along when they are done with it.
Daycare fix: Don’t force an apology
We’ve all been there. Your kid sprays water in the face of a sweet little toddler at the splash pad. Mortified, you demand your kid apologize. But because it’s simply a learned response, saying sorry is actually pretty meaningless to little kids, says so it won’t prevent the behavior from happening again. “Children learn that after they say it, they can carry on and everything is fine,” she says. Instead, facilitate a conversation between the kids involved that includes asking if the other kid is OK, how it made them feel and what the instigator can do to help make things better. Sometimes all it takes is a hug, she says, but an important step toward empathy means holding kids accountable.
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